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Chapter 5.

This is a strange predicament.

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Throughout my life, I have always been fascinated with personal computers. This sheer amazing feat of engineering that I had nothing to do with yet reap the benefits from keeps me entertained in my day to day living cycle. Staring at pixels on a screen that constantly feed me new and fascinating information at an amazing rate may be the greatest feature of my existence. Having infinite libraries of art, music, film, and other types of media is just a bonus to the reason for building my own PC – Video Games.

Video games are certainly my favorite form of media, mainly do to the amount of interactivity that the medium provides. If given the opportunity, I would love to create my own games that I would share with the world. The issue that I face with that reality is that there is no way in hell that I could ever program anything at a scale that would ever be impressive. Am I being too harsh on myself? Possibly, but I find that you never have to fear failure if I never even begin practicing in the first place.

If I wasn’t afraid of failure, perhaps I would study music, design, or programming. The main argument that I share is that usually the mediocre or even halfway decent never make a good living on what they work on. Doing things for the money is a terrible practice to hold in life, but hobbies rarely pay the bills. I just want to live my life in a fair bit of comfort before I bite the bullet. Perhaps thinking about my death is not too healthy for me, especially considering that I’m only on the cusp of turning twenty.

I don’t fear death. I’ve already had a few close calls and if I truly did parish, I think my existence has been alright so far. I may not have accomplished all that I planned for, but I know that there have been countless others that have lived both shorter and longer lives than me. If I focus too hard on my timeline, I will forget to live it to its fullest. Ironically, some would say that the amount of time I spend eating unhealthy snacks and masturbating may be a waste of my short time on Earth. To that I say : Kindly piss off. My life is my own to waste. If I choose to inappropriately use the Internet to fuel my selfish and occasionally dark desires that’s my prerogative.  

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