500-words about being 25 and stupid.

Sometimes I wonder about the human condition. In that moment, I imagine just how bizarre my day-to-day life is. I get distracted, and my mind drifts towards something abstract or stupid. The thought lingers there for a while until I eventually get back to the task at hand. It all becomes noticeable then, arriving in that split-second before my thought-process catches up. Sometimes I wonder how long it might take for me to return to that blissful state of absurd recognition. Then there are times when my self-aware notions frighten me.

I hold no illusions over my status in this weird system we’ve all been born into. My demographics, statistics and biological points of reference are plain for the world to see. There is no denying the nature of my privilege, guiding assistance and sheer dumb luck. It leaves me wondering if I even deserve what I have, especially being cognizant of my own idiocy. At the worst of times, it makes me sick knowing that my existence is placed along a hierarchy of others. That comparison only points out the outlandish flaws and sick benefits of the current system. Ultimately, I’m left with mixed feelings about the entire makeup of my life, and humanity in general.

Even my understanding for the world as it stands remains cynical toward how I judge humanity’s past. We can easily showcase progress, but the reactions to change in real-time remain brutal. One can just as easily claim how things were better before or claim that things will improve in the future. The main question that arises from this line of thought is where my stance lies. Perhaps I’ve grown too tired of the nonsense to elaborate and debate. It is possible that I’ve lost the youthful optimism I shared with others a short while ago. Maybe things will improve.

The logical side of my mind wonders if we can make it to the better days from here. Far too many are placing their faith in things that hold little water. I’m done being cynical about my views. I am also done with others viewing me as cynical for acknowledging things for how they are. There is a fine line between idiotic optimism and blind pessimism. Still, my main goal in life is to help shape things along in a positive direction. I’ll do all that I can to ensure that things inch toward a brighter future.

Look, I know this entry is pompous and a bit dramatic. It reads like an incoherent rant about nothing in particular. My writing can sometimes be a mess of abstract musings, and life has been like that for me recently. I’m over a quarter of a century old, so I feel like I’ve earned a bit of levity toward how others judge my perspective. All I wish to convey right now is that I worry about too many things. We all do. With a bit of hope (and a stupid amount of effort), things will get better.