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As per usual, I’m still not too sure what to talk about. I’ve got a fairly horrible habit of not knowing what to do with my life. I’m working as hard as I possibly can to please myself by staying fairly active. For the past year I’ve been consistently creating content for my website. I spent dozens of hours creating artwork like my comics and my graphic designs (which still have yet to get over 100 views). I’ve also been working on videos again with my YouTube page, and I’ve already made six videos this month. I guess I just feel that I should’ve gotten more popular over the last year after working so hard. Maybe I just suck at making stuff, but it’s all practice I guess. Perhaps over the next year I can make more interesting things.

If life is just practice for a grander reality that occurs after you die, at least I’ve got a moderate work ethic. Yes, I sleep too much, but I’m happy to know that I can share stuff regularly. This year, I’m going to work on improving myself further. A little less of browsing the same handful of websites from boredom and more constructive processes. I definitely want to hit 250 designs by the end of the year. I also want to start focusing on my YouTube page. I’ve been neglecting it for the last year, and I’m setting a goal of creating 52 videos in the next 12 months (one new upload a week).

I’m scared to see what will happen when I turn 21. I’ve only got half a year before I can drink legally, and I don’t trust myself to treat vices with respect. Becoming an alcoholic writer freaks me out, yet it’s a common thread that follows most writers. Most drugs are dangerous voids of common occurrence, and the easy slump into addiction frightens me to no end. Some days I wish that there was just a switch to pause my life, stepping out of reality to take a breather. I suppose that’s why most take to drugs so easily.

When I was a child, I expected my life to turn out differently. I suppose I just got comfortable to expectations, but the lack of meeting them just makes me feel like a burden to everyone around me. All I wish is for others to be happy with my existence, but that’s hard when I’ve got so few prospects. I’ve been a downer for the last two years, and I’m tired of being so glum, but this last year was the worst of my life. Hopefully this next one will be better.

All I need is a good job to rely on. While my current job is fine, I need to move on to a full time position. I need the distraction and comfort that comes with more responsibility. I’ve been contemplating getting a pet, but that certainly isn’t going to happen anytime soon. Two of my roommates have pets (One a cat, the other a dog). Neither of them live here anymore, so that provides an insight into their lives. I can handle a cat, not a dog. I’ve grown fond of the name Nimbus and the thought of a smoke gray cat to relax with. The idea of a girlfriend also sounds appealing, but that also falls back to the idea of having a job that provides me with expendable cash to work with. Hanging out at my apartment gets old, and dates are important to provide a nice environment for a relationship to bloom.

I figure that when I’m 22 and have a place of my own, I can look at moving forward with myself on a more mature level. I’ll start going out to places on weekends and looking to meet some people that I can spend time with. I’ll get a pet and start taking better care of myself emotionally. My last two years landed me into a subset of individuals that I don’t agree with hanging around anymore.

It’s not that I dislike them, but I need a new set of friends to balance out the common thread. My friends consisted of friendly stoner co-workers, students, and folks that play video games far too much. I don’t smoke weed, I’m not a student anymore (I’m working on going back, but I need a better job first), and I’ve lost interest in playing a bulk of my video game collection. I’m still going to hold onto them (mainly for the nice look of a collection on a shelf), and just let my future family to mess with them. I’ve sold off a bulk of my collection through my life, and I still miss having some of my favorite titles. This next year I’m going to work on building it back up to it’s beautiful past, as well as adding more of my favorite films instead of the same few flicks I’ve had for years.

Until next time, I’m going to work on my segways. I’m awkward with endings, so hopefully I can improve that aspect of my writing in the future. I’ll leave you with a strange song to jam out to.

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrYCAHIccc8[/embedyt]